NatureAmy

caring for creation while caring for family

Tag: miscarriage

My THM Pregnancy: 39 week update… Oops… 2 days post-partum!

Baby is here and it’s a…

GIRL!

Little Bethany Carolyn joined our family at 8 am on Wednesday, nine days before her due date.  She was 8 lbs even, 21 inches long, and has captured everyone’s hearts already.

Sleep my little one...

Sleep my little one…

I will be sharing her full birth story soon, but for a bit of a preview…

She arrived only 3 short hours after my first contraction and 1 minute before the midwives arrived!  She was born at home, as planned, with no complications, and a very, VERY quick labor.  My husband got to deliver her and is so proud of that fact!

I could not have asked for a better delivery.  It was fast and intense, but she arrived quickly and we were able to immediately relax as a family and just soak up the time together.

Big sister Addamay is already smitten. In typical 2-year-old fashion, she has claimed the baby as hers and does not want to share...

Big sister Addamay is already smitten. In typical 2-year-old fashion, she has claimed the baby as hers and does not want to share…

I’m supposed to be resting and in bed for the first week after delivery.  My midwives insist that it really is the best start for your body after birth to allow adequate time for healing.  And I’m trying to rest and stay off my feet as much as possible, but I’m terrible at taking it easy…  My husband and mom keep sending me back to bed!  At least they are here to take care of me…

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support and for following along this entire pregnancy, from my miscarriage a year ago, to healing from that experience, and finally throughout my pregnancy and birth.  God has been so good to us and has shown Himself faithful time and again.

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A big announcement…

I alluded to some exciting changes coming our way a couple weeks ago, but now, I will let the cat out of the bag.  I’m pregnant!  Our rainbow baby is expected to join us sometime in late February or early March next year.

Pregnancy after miscarriage - allowing time to heal both body and soul. How God turned my mourning into dancing - NatureAmy.com

Our fun pregnancy announcement

If you have been following me for a while, you know that I experienced a miscarriage last February.  I wrote a post about the experience and another about taking time to heal from it – and one thing that I have learned in this all is that miscarriage and loss needs to be talked about more.

It is such a painful thing for a woman (and really a couple or family) to go through, it really should not be done alone.  Yet, so many people feel that they cannot talk about it.   And although I posted about it here, I am guilty of not talking about it much in person.  It is painful to bring up, but it is also reassuring to know that we are not alone in our pain.  There are many, many women who understand.  The more I mentioned the experience to friends, the more friends I learned had been through it themselves.  It was a kind of sisterhood, of sorts…

Time to heal

After my miscarriage, the doctor told me to wait a couple months before trying for another baby.  I smiled and nodded, but I did not really understand his reasoning.  He wanted to make sure I was completely healed, but mostly he was concerned that I had time to heal emotionally.  He said that depression after miscarriage could lead to postpartum depression after a new birth if there was not proper time to mourn the loss.  Only after living in a fog of depression for several months and finally feeling it lift completely this summer did I realize the wisdom of his suggestion.

My body was also not the same after my miscarriage.  My hormones were off for several months and my cycles were strange.  I gained weight and was not able to lose it no matter how hard I tried (which I believe was due to my hormone imbalance).  Finally, in June, the fog started to lift and I finally felt more like myself.  My cycles, which I chart, also normalized again and we conceived our rainbow baby.

Mourning into dancing

When I calculated the baby’s due date, I was pleased to discover that it was just days away from the day that our last little one was taken home into the arms of Jesus.  It was like God was taking a day that was heartbreaking and replacing it with a time of joy.  I really do see it as a gift from our Heavenly Father and I am so thankful.  Our God is so good, my friends – so good!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:11-12 ESV

Again, thank you for your faithful prayers and support during this time of healing for our family.  It really does mean so much to me.

Oh! And, I can’t wait to give you all an update on my first trimester with a Trim Healthy Mama pregnancy.  I really have noticed some really amazing differences I am excited to share with you!

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Healing from Miscarriage: Allowing myself time to heal, rest, and recover

At the end of February this year, I had my first miscarriage (you can read more about it here).  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through and something I hoped I never would have to experience.

But, although it was physically, mentally, and spiritually hard, it brought me to a place where I could feel my Jesus’ presence.  I knew He was right there with me (as He always is).  I made the very conscious choice to praise Him through this storm.  My anthem was the Bethel Worship playlist of “Good Good Father” on YouTube (linked here) and I played it over and over in my grief.

But even though I could feel the presence of God and I knew He held me safe, it did not change the fact that I was still in the midst of the storm…

I am naturally very self reliant, self-motivated, controlled, self-sufficient – you get the picture – but my grief left me feeling raw, broken, and like I had little control.  My emotions, usually buried and in check, easily sprang to the surface and I found myself retreating into the safety of my home.

It was almost as if I was in a fog.  I went through my normal routine.  We home schooled, went to our extracurricular classes, went to church, and shopped for groceries, but I stopped doing anything that I did not have to do.  I didn’t even realize it until several months later that I was operating in a fog for about three or four months.

I didn’t realize, until it started to lift, that I was experiencing depression.  Looking back at the spring months, I realized how much I had retreated.  I realized how little I had done with friends in that time.  I generally am quite social and fill our calendar with play dates, Bible studies, and activities because I enjoy them, but for several months I retreated from most everything.

And honestly, when I realized what I had done, I was not disappointed.  I knew I needed that time “off” to rest and recover and heal.  Instinctively, I did what I needed for that period of healing in my life.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”           Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

Many people have told me that when they experienced miscarriage, the path to healing for them involved giving and investing in others.  They spent more time focusing on others, more time away from home.  And I can see why that would be important, especially if you don’t have children at home, but with three little kids at home and homeschooling, I think I was already giving enough of myself.  The path to healing for me involved allowing myself to rest, to pull back, and to heal in the quiet and safety of my home.

I spent more time in the Word, more time in prayer and reflection, more time writing.  I also found great comfort in Becky Thompson’s book Hope Unfolding: Grace-Filled Truth for the Momma’s Heart.  Becky writes about her miscarriage and healing in the book and how she used praise as a weapon against grief.  It is just one chapter in the book, but it played a big part in my healing.  If you don’t follow Becky at Scissortail Silk on Facebook, you really should – I guarantee you will be blessed.

I finally feel as if the fog has completely lifted.  It’s been over five months since my miscarriage and it took about four and a half to finally feel completely like myself again.  It has been a process.  And for a “do-it-yourself” kind of girl like me, it has also been a humbling experience.  I would never choose to go through the pain of miscarriage again, but I know I am a stronger woman because of it and I can relate to those who have, or will, also go through one. And for that, I am thankful.

If you are going through something like this, or have in the past, I would love to hear from you and pray with you.  Leave a comment below, or send me a private message on Facebook.

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Hope Unfolding: How God met me in the midst of my miscarriage

Warning: This is a story of hope, but also of loss.  If you have recently experienced loss, my prayer for you is that my story brings encouragement and light to you. These are hard days, but our Jesus never leaves us in the midst of the pain. I am sharing my story in the hope that it will touch your life at this time.                                            ~Amy

Have you ever had something happen at just the right time that you know it had to have been God? A God-incidence, if you will? Maybe it was a song coming on the radio that you needed to hear?  Maybe it was a random encounter with a person that felt like a divine appointment? Or maybe it was an encouraging word or a book or blog post at just the right moment? It is times like these that feel like divine encounters.  Like God is reaching out to hand us a special gift or lift us out of a pit when we need Him most.  This happened to me recently.  I am completely blown away by how our Savior loves us each individually knowing exactly what we need before we even know that we need it.  Let me tell you my story…

I was very excited to get an advanced copy of one of my favorite blogger’s new book in the mail.  Becky Thompson of Scissortail Silk has a heart for encouraging mothers and God has used her to do just that for millions of women around the world in the last couple years through her blog, www.beckythompson.com. As a blogger, I was able to get an advanced copy of her new book, Hope Unfolding: Grace-Filled Truth for the Momma’s Heart, to review before it comes out on March 15th (read on to win a free copy for yourself!)  I was excited about this unexpected perk of being a blogger (I am still quite new to this) and was very happy to read the book since Becky is a wonderful writer. But, I had no idea of the divine appointment God had just placed in my hands as I pulled the book out of the mailbox.  I had no idea that I was about to experience one of the most tragic (yet very common) events that parents go through and that God had given me this book for that moment.  

A review of Hope Unfolding and a story of peace in the midst of loss... NatureAmy.com

The reality of trying to stage blog photos at my house – Oh well, isn’t she cute?

When I got the book in the mail a couple weeks ago, I had just come back from my first midwife appointment for my fourth pregnancy.  We were very excited about having a fourth kid and I was about 8-9 weeks pregnant.  However, the first appointment was disconcerting, not exciting, as I thought it would be.  The early ultrasound showed a little baby that was measuring about 3 weeks behind schedule, although there was a nice heartbeat.  The midwife was unconcerned, she thought I must have my dates off – I was concerned, I did think my dates were pretty accurate, but I thought she must have mismeasured.  I was to come back in two weeks to see how the baby had grown and remeasure…  

I tried not to worry too much and life went on… Meanwhile, this book arrived in the mail and I started to read it.  It is an easy read, beautifully written, emotional in parts, funny in others, and very transparent about life as a mother today.  Becky’s stories bring hope to all parts of motherhood, and as I read it, I thought of so many mothers that would get so much from this book as well.  It really is a book that any mother would love – I could not recommend it enough. (And I am so excited to be giving away a free copy – I know that God has someone in mind who really needs to receive it!)  I really enjoyed reading it, and I got a lot out of it, but I still had no idea the real reason God had placed this books in my hand until Saturday morning.Lock-Screen-2

Thursday night, I had started to spot a little, just a tiny bit of bleeding.  I was definitely concerned, but I had spotted in my first pregnancy (it is very common, especially in the first trimester) and it had been nothing.  Friday was my second son’s birthday and we had a family trip to the zoo planned.  He was ecstatic, to say the least, and he had been looking forward to this day for months.  I was so worried that I would miscarry on Friday and ruin his birthday.  I am so thankful that we had a beautiful family day together celebrating my second born.  I spotted a little more throughout the day, but still nothing much.  Saturday morning, though, I knew without a doubt that God was calling this baby home. 

I have a special chair in the corner of my bedroom (I am sitting in it now) that was a gift from God. Yes, I actually asked God for a chair, and it showed up with a “FREE” sign on it along the road later that same day – exactly the type of chair I had pictured in my mind.  The chair has become my prayer corner, my own personal “War Room”, and I was sitting in it, crying, and talking to God on Saturday morning.  I decided to finish reading Hope Unfolding – I was only pages from the end and the book was a welcome distraction.  I picked it up and I read these words, written by another mother, another mother who, like so many others, had gone through what I was experiencing right then.  

“Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to imagine Jesus there in the room with you right now. Yes, right where you are sitting. I want you to invite Jesus to come and be present with you. It can be as simple as a whispered, ‘Jesus.’… He comes to bring peace and healing and wholeness. That’s what He wants to do for your achy mommy heart right now.” (Hope Unfolding, p. 194)

And although Becky Thompson had no idea that she had written those words just for me, God did.  He made sure that I had a copy of that book in my hands, before it had even reached store shelves, because He loves me…  And just like that, Jesus was right there beside me, in my room, by my chair.  He always is with us, but it isn’t often that I feel His presence so clearly.  And in that moment, as He spoke love over me through the words of a book, I lifted up our precious little fourth baby and placed him or her into His loving nail scarred hands.  And I cried (and I’m crying now as I write this) knowing that this little one was being held now by my Jesus and that I would one day meet this precious soul in Heaven.  

And do you know what happened next?  This was a gift that I was not expecting, but I am oh so happy about – I was flooded with an unexplainable peace.  Over the next few hours my body finished miscarrying my little one, but I was not scared.  I was not in much pain, and it was a quiet and peaceful process at home.  I felt God’s presence with me and was filled with God’s peace.  My three children did not know what was going on, we had not told them about the pregnancy yet, but they knew I was not feeling well.  Their sweet presence, as well as my husband’s, throughout the afternoon was such a gift.  My 21 month old daughter, who is usually too busy to snuggle, wanted to be snuggled and loved on all afternoon and into the evening, which brought me such comfort, as well.  The process was strangely peaceful and full of hope, love, and grace.IG-Square_Print3

I had no idea when I asked for an advanced copy of Hope Unfolding to review in an email weeks before that God would use it as an opportunity to usher in His presence and shower me with love on that hard Saturday.  But God knew I needed it.  For that is who our Heavenly Father is – He is Love and He is Good. He is continually speaking love over us. He is always near to us. But, so often I am too busy to hear Him or notice His presence. Is it the same for you, my friend?  Have you taken a moment today to listen to your Father’s loving voice?  To feel His presence near you? Because He wants to speak love over you today, whatever you are going through right now… He wants to bring you peace in the midst of the storm that is raging around you because He loves you! All we need to do is ask.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

Matthew 7:7-11


Enter to win your free copy of Hope Unfolding

THE GIVEAWAY DETAILS

Finally, you have a chance to win Becky Thompson’s new book Hope Unfolding for yourself! To watch a preview video about the book and read the first couple chapters for free, click here. It will be released on March 15th and I hope to have a copy in the winner’s hands as soon as is Amazon-possible!  This giveaway will be taking place on both Facebook and Instagram (@amylovesnature).  Please click over to either one of those outlets for a chance to win!  If you do not have either of these social media accounts, you can send me an email at amylovesnature [at] gmail [dot] com and I will put you on the list!  You may enter on any or all of these places for a chance to win!  While you are there, please make sure to like, follow, or subscribe to those accounts!  This giveaway will be closing at 6 pm Pacific Time, Friday, March 11, 2016.  You may enter up to once per day on each of these outlets to increase your chances!

This contest is open to all US Residents for a good old fashioned paperback copy of the book. (I am sorry, I can’t ship internationally at this time.)  I will send you a message on Facebook or Instagram or by email if you won and will send you your copy as soon as you send me your address!

If you are a mom, or if you know a mom, this book is for you.  It would be an amazing gift for someone (think baby shower?) and will likely be passed around to all your mommy friends – I already have a wait-list for my copy – LOL! The book will be shipped to you via Amazon as soon as it is available on March 15th.  I am praying for just the right mama to receive it – I know it will make a big impact in your life, just as it has for me.  Blessings to you!  Now, let’s get this giveaway started!

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To buy a copy of Becky’s book (or pre-order her next one) simply click on my Amazon Affiliate Link:

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