OK, OK, this makes me sound like the Grinch.
I promise, my kids have plenty of toys, they really do. However, compared to most families we know, regardless of income, my three kids don’t have many toys. But before you start donating all your unwanted toys to our house, let me just clarify – this is completely intentional…
There really are two main reasons we don’t have a lot of toys for our three (soon to be four) children, The first is that about two years ago, I made the very intentional choice to severely cut back on our belongings. This was not a sudden decision – it was actually very gradual and you can read about it here.
We live in a small house, so we don’t have a play room. Our living room is naturally where the kids play. During that time, our living room went from looking like this – home of all the toys…
Where did all the toys go? Well, a lot of them were donated. The rest mostly live here on this one bookshelf in the hallway.
We also have a big box of Legos, a Lego display small bookshelf in the kids’ room to keep their creations, and a few things in our large pantry and garage that act as a toy library.
The second reason we don’t have many toys is because when my two boys were little my sister Ella read the book Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Dr. Kim John Payne. I have since read it, but when she read it she went into great detail about his philosophy on toys and play and I was absolutely fascinated by it! (My sister and I spend a lot of time on the phone together each week and like to talk about anything and everything!)
I started to implement some of Dr. Paynes strategies then – the first one I embraced was that toys should not do anything for the child. Toys that do too much squelch the imagination – so out with the noise toys! Yes! (I really was looking for any reason to get rid of that stupid singing alphabet caterpillar!) Instead, we stick to “old fashioned” non-electronic toys, like blocks, Legos, Play-Doh, and wooden trains.
And do you know what we’ve found? Our kids play longer, fight less, and enjoy the toys they have more when they own less. Too many toys can be overstimulating for kids. But when we purposefully pare down what they have to play with – keeping only their favorites and the ones that use the most imagination – they are actually happier, calmer, and more content.
Dr Payne’s research is really quite amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to simplify their children’s lives. His prescription to his clients to simplify their children’s environment has helped with behavioral issues, ADHD, and anxiety, among other things. In most of his case studies, the children’s symptoms disappeared entirely! He suggests that most people need to reduce their children’s toys by about 75%. He uses the following guidelines to reduce the toy clutter:
- Get rid of broken toys- pretty simple
- Get rid of “fixed” toys – toys that don’t trigger the imagination (character toys from TV shows or movies fall under this category)
- Developmentally inappropriate toys – is this too mature or too immature?
- Annoying toys – if you can’t stand it, he gives you permission to toss it. I love this one!
- Complicated toys, battery operated toys, toys that break easily.
- Commercial toys – ones that you were pressured to buy because everyone must have it.
- Toys that cause the kids to fight or interact unhealthily
So what toys do we keep? Toys that encourage the imagination. Think blocks, dolls, dress up clothes, craft items, wooden trains.
Your son doesn’t need a police car with a real siren – he can make the noise himself! She doesn’t need a doll that cries or talks or poops – her imagination can do that very well.
My boys do occasionally beg for toys they see their friends have. For instance, they really want bullets for their Nerf guns, but I won’t get them for them. (I tossed them all a couple years ago.) You see, when we had bullets, they spent more time trying to find them and asking me to help them find them than they actually spent playing. However, I know they can spend hours playing with their toy guns fighting off imaginary bad guys in some elaborate story. But if they have to stop to find Nerf bullets, the game stops. I’m sure you have similar stories of how your kids imaginatio
n has just stopped because a toy does too much.
The toys that made the cut at our house:
Some of the toy cars and trucks and racing tracks
Wooden trains and tracks
Bean-bag animal stuffed toys (these are a surprising hit and the kids can play for hours in their animal world)
Play-dough – I make my own play-dough and we use a variety of tools to play
Melissa and Doug Castle Blocks and knights and dragons
Melissa and Doug puzzles
Marble Run tracks
A few toy guns and foam swords – nothing realistic looking
Baby dolls, baby carriage, clothes, and accessories
Toy kitchen, toy table/chairs, cookware, food, picnic basket, and tea pot
Art and craft supplies – these live in our homeschool room
Children’s books and board games – these live in the closet
When I write it up like that, it does seem like a pretty long list, but it does include three kids of different genders, ages 2-8. Plus, it mostly fits on one IKEA shelf bolted to the wall in the hall. I keep a few items, like our toy kitchen and large trucks, on the back porch. And a few items are stored in the garage or our large pantry.
Does anyone else get Toy Story guilt when you donate (or toss) a toy? Oh my goodness, that movie has scarred me for life! LOL! Nevertheless, I bit the bullet and tried not to think too much about it when I donated Buzz Lightyear! Sorry, Buzz, but hopefully you’re getting played with at your new home!
I also am that mom that usually does not include her kids in the donating decisions. I don’t know about your kids, but mine go into full blown hysterics over the thought of giving away ANY of their toys – even toys they have NEVER played with! However, if I donate the toys I know they don’t play with anymore while they are asleep, they are not upset by it. They usually don’t even notice.
On the couple occasions that they have noticed something missing, I explain that I gave it away to a kid that didn’t have many toys so they could play with it. Sometimes, a couple tears were shed by my 6 year old who is very sensitive, but he got over it quickly and was happy to know it went to a good home.
If there are toys that I’m not sure about, I often move them to a shelf in the garage. Sometimes I will add them back into the toy rotation. Other times, if they are forgotten for 6 months or more, I donate them.
So, what do you do about toys at your house? Are they taking over or have you found a good balance that works for you? I’d love to hear about it!